


Ex Post Facto

by rocketgirl2



Category: Death Note
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-14
Updated: 2010-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-17 02:29:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketgirl2/pseuds/rocketgirl2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-series AU.They argue a lot of  the time; they go to bed angry and do all those things that no one's  supposed to do—and yet, they're still friends, still maybe a little bit  more.  Because Matt knows that when Mello goes all silent, it's not  because he doesn't care, it's just because he's never been good with  words; and Mello knows that when Matt throws his bitchfits, he's not  looking for things to change, just for someone to listen to him.  And so  they get by, because it's all they know to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ex Post Facto

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://crazycanary.livejournal.com/profile)[**crazycanary**](http://crazycanary.livejournal.com/) , who won this fic over at the [](http://community.livejournal.com/help_haiti/profile)[**help_haiti**](http://community.livejournal.com/help_haiti/) auction. Thanks for helping me help out the Haitians, and I hope you enjoy it! If it's not what you want, let me know and I'll do something different for ya. :)

Matt doesn't know who he is anymore—he's lost himself somewhere in the empty homes they've been squatting in when they get the chance, in the gas stations and big supermarkets where they do all of their shopping, or the shop windows that do not reflect his face correctly when chances a look. The only time things feel anywhere close to normal is when he curls up with Mello's wiry frame close behind his at night. And even then, things are not okay because it does not look like Mello who is with him, it looks like a child too young for the close-cropped hair and adult clothes that Mello fits himself into now.

Matt knows he's not much better, but he doesn't have to look at himself so often.

They've been on the run for a year, and Matt's surprised they've made it so long; Mello tells him they'll be able to make it for as long as they need to. They're not completely useless, the two of them, and though Matt has never been able to find someone who will pay him for knowing far too much about video games, Mello has connections and he knows how to use them well. So Matt lets him do his thing and tries to not think about video games too much, because it just makes him miss his old life even more. 

Actually, there's nothing these days that _doesn't_ make him miss his old life, dangerous though it was.  At least then, the general populace did not know his face; then, he hadn't killed the false god that far too many people had worshiped.  Sometimes he wishes he hadn't done it, because then he would still have a place to stay each night and he'd be comfortable and he'd be able to go to the corner store at any time, day or night, to pick up supplies without having to be scared of discovery.  Sometimes he hates Mello for dragging him in to this whole thing—but then again, that's hardly fair; Matt had signed up for the business himself, and he knew the risks when he followed Mello away from Wammy's.  So sometimes Matt hates himself, because he's always been just that kind of hopeless—but all the same, he can't imagine his life any other way. 

Whenever he starts to second-guess himself, he remembers L; thinks of what the man stood for and what he died for, and knows that he and Mello have done right.

It's a horrible irony that they have been marked for death themselves by their work, and Matt knows he should be glad they're still alive.  There had been a high probability of death—Mello had always been straightforward about that part, even as he'd said goodbye that morning.  The first thing out of Mello's mouth when they met up afterward was that they couldn't count on such luck anymore—and then he'd produced the hair dye, and the scissors, and the changes of clothes, and everything else he thought they would need to start over.

Matt had thought of joking that, if Mello really wanted to go incognito, he'd have to ditch the chocolate bars, but he kept it to himself.  The moment had not been one for levity. 

Since then, they've been through almost everything imaginable.  _Through hell_ , Matt had liked to say; Mello took offense at that, so he'd toned it down, but it was still what he thought.  Matt had always imagined that he'd have a real home once he was grown up, but now it seemed he was doomed to be perpetually wandering.

"Don't be ridiculous," Mello had told him one night when he'd voiced his fears.  "Things will blow over in a few years," but it's already been one year, and he doesn't think the people hate them any less.  In some places, he's begun to hear stories of their deaths, but even that does not guarantee safety.  Matt and Mello's images are firmly implanted in the minds of those who followed Kira, and they are faces that must never be seen on the earth again.  Matt is okay with giving that up.  What he's not okay with is the fact that people still speak of exacting revenge on him and Mello, and the fact that he cannot hope to settle down, even under a false identity, because he has become too paranoid.  Once, he and Mello ran across a fellow who claimed that their voices sounded too much like the ones that had been all over TV the day that Kira died.  They're lucky the man hadn't been carrying a gun—they'd only just gotten out of town as it was.

And so it is, that they travel the States, two lonely foreigners with no hope of staying or leaving, just doing their best to stay alive.

And so it always is, for people such as them.

✧

  


Matt knows he's not always the best of traveling partners.  He's never been a fan of exercise, for one thing; he's forever telling Mello to slow the hell _down_ when they have to walk, and he's the one that falls behind when they have to leave town in a hurry.  He gets grumpy because he can't play his video games and when Mello tells him to stop it because that's hardly important at the moment, Matt pulls out a whole list of things to bitch about.  He's sick of sleeping on park benches in the cold, he's sick of never having enough food to eat, he's sick of the way they always have to leave a place right when he's starting to like it.

Mello always tells him to shut the fuck up, because _he's_ tired of Matt's complaining, but Matt never does.

He wonders why Mello puts up with it.

The truth is, on the good days, Matt can't really think of a better place to be.  Oh sure, he can pin down ideas like _home_ and _job_ and _safety_ , but he can hardly assign a physical location, or even a possible phase in his life, to those things.  In truth, _home_ has become wherever Mello is, because Mello is the only thing that's been constant in his life.  As for _job_ , he can't imagine what he'd be doing had he found a place to settle down.  Any and all opportunities he might have had belonged to the Matt who'd been at Wammy's; the Matt who no longer is.  And usually the work Mello has him do isn't too bad; it's understood between the two of them that, while Matt will do some sorts of grunt work, killing people is out of the question.  As for the _safety_ that Matt so dearly wants, life is dangerous by definition.  Mello always says that the safest place to be is somewhere on your own; Matt only begs to differ because he feels safest around Mello.  So there's his three needs answered, and if the answers aren't exactly orthodox, well.  Matt hasn't lived the most orthodox of lives, either, so he can hardly expect things to be the same for him as everyone else.

He thinks that this is something Mello understands about him though they've never talked about it, and the reason they're still traveling together after all their fights.  It's because when they wake up in the morning, no matter what shit situation they find themselves in, it's nice to have someone there who won't let you down.  They argue a lot of the time; they go to bed angry and do all those things that no one's supposed to do—and yet, they're still friends, still maybe a little bit more.  Because Matt knows that when Mello goes all silent, it's not because he doesn't care, it's just because he's never been good with words; and Mello knows that when Matt throws his bitchfits, he's not looking for things to change, just for someone to listen to him.  And so they get by, because it's all they know to do.

✧

  


The world is not known for being a forgiving place.  It's known for screwing people over and screwing them up; for taking the best of things and turning them into the worst; for taking time greedily away from those who only ask for just a little bit more.  Matt knows this, and sometimes, he feels sorry for the things that were never given their chance.

He thinks back to his days at Wammy's and how carefree they were; relives all the conversations with Mello where they'd talked about growing up and getting _out_ , and how they'd reveled in the idea of being given the responsibility of looking after themselves.  Now that Matt has it, he thinks that they're really much too young for the job and he'd like to go back, please, but there's no doing that.  He thinks back to when Mello had said that they'd have adventures and Matt had thought they would be a lot more exciting and a lot less freezing your ass off because you had nowhere left to go.  He thinks back to the day that Mello had left and he'd decided to go after him, without fully realizing where he was taking himself.  And he thinks that he still doesn't fully realize his destination, because after all these years, he still stumbles along in Mello's wake and takes his plans for what they say they are.

The plans never turn out so well.

Now they're lost in a cold sort of world and there's no easy way out and no escape to something bigger, or grander.  They've done the biggest, grandest thing, only the people weren't all happy and they've had to pay the price for playing such dangerous games in their youth.  Matt and Mello are no longer themselves, they're two little boys who play at being heroes and call each other false names in hopes they won't be discovered.  Only now the secret's out, that everyone's been pulled off the pedestal that surrounded Kira, and they're still playing like it's not.

And the world waits for them to make the next move, because every day is sink or swim.

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit is always appreciated.


End file.
